Yes, of course I am. My medical ID card says it clearly. “The owner of this card is profoundly deaf, but can experience hearing sensations with the help of the implant system”.
I also signed up to “yes, I know I will still be deaf” as one of the expectation management aspects of the information programme at the Cochlear Implant Centre before the operation. Quite rightly, staff needed to be sure that we potential implantees understood that this was no miracle operation. There would be a long process of rehabilitation and brain training, and we wouldn’t ever hear like hearing people do.
But what does “being deaf” mean?
Nigel and I have been talking about it recently because, to him, I don’t seem deaf at all any more in most situations. He says things and I hear him, mainly. We go to shops and cafes and I sometimes do the ordering. We can chat easily when he is driving the car, without any assistive technology. He doesn’t need to worry whether the pub or café is noisy because I seem to cope very well anyway. He’s gone so far as to say that I’ve not heard so well “in living memory”, for which I pull his leg, because when we met I didn’t have any significant hearing problems at all.
But I AM still deaf. As the ID card says, without the speech processor I’m now profoundly deaf, for all frequencies, on my right side. I only ever take the processor off to sleep and when I’m in the shower but the degree of deafness I experience then is much greater than before the operation.
With the speech processor on I often just “hear” (like hearing people do, that is, without thinking about it) but sometimes I need to crank the brain into action and concentrate. I can mainly then still decipher speech quite adequately but it’s more of a conscious process. I’m still lip reading, although less than before. I still have problems with the telephone and music (more on this on another day). So, yes, things are wonderful but let’s not run away with ourselves here………
What Nigel has been doing though, is sometimes gently pointing out that my perception of what a “normal” sixty-odd-year-old hears is considerably wide of the mark, and he’s right.
Now that I am only occasionally asking him to repeat things (rather than asking him to repeat almost everything he says) I notice that sometimes he asks ME to repeat something, because HE hasn’t heard (and his hearing is very good).
My sister-in-law, Susee, was kind enough to point out to me when I was bemoaning my telephone skills that she sometimes can’t hear people on the phone either. When I was trying to deal with a call on the speakerphone setting of my mobile Nigel, who overheard, said “the line was terrible and the speaker was very indistinct, don’t worry about it”. I blamed myself and my lack of progress. He blamed the phone and the caller.
When I wrote the post about understanding the TV without subtitles, our very good friend Greg sent a one-liner email which just said “Vera, Christine and I ALWAYS have the subtitles on.” (Their hearing is OK. They just find that sometimes people speak so fast that watching is easier with subtitles).
Using different examples, Susee and Greg were underlining Nigel’s point and telling me not to beat myself up for something they sometimes can’t do either.
Nigel and I have also had conversations about the fact that he now ASSUMES that I will be able to cope in many situations and has stopped noticing when I do, in the way he would have noticed in the first weeks after switch-on. This can be a bit unsettling. I’ll be dancing about saying “hey, did you see what I just did there, isn’t it great?” and Nigel will be bemused, because he had just EXPECTED me to be able to do whatever it was that had pleased me so much.
I’ve been quizzing him about these expectations. The other week we went to Beamish Open Air Museum, in Co Durham, for my birthday (I grew up in Co Durham). At the cash desk I did the paying, but paying to get into museums is never straightforward these days, is it? I wanted two senior tickets and a programme but then there were questions about whether we’d be better off buying some other sort of membership. That safely negotiated there were questions about Gift Aid. Yes, we could do Gift Aid so there were questions about our names and our address. Then there was information about the duration of the tickets and what they did and didn’t cover. I successfully negotiated the lot and off we went (and had a great time). I reminded Nigel about this when we were having our discussion about his assumptions. “So”, I said, “when I was paying to get into Beamish did you just stand back and not listen, and leave me to get on with it?” He confessed that he’d still kept tabs on the conversation, so he could step in if anything went wrong. “Ah ha”, I teased, “so you don’t trust the new me that much…..”, and we both saw the joke.
A final story for now………. the other day I was telling Nigel I’d just booked to see War Horse at the Lowry, in Salford. I’d tried to persuade him to go too, but it’s not his cup of tea. I was explaining that the captioned performance had been fully booked already but I wasn’t worried because it was the visuals that mattered. “Why did you want the captioned performance?” he asked. “Err……because I’m deaf?” I grinned, knowing what was coming. “Just you wait and see”, he said, “I bet you can hear more than you think”. Well, I don’t know…. I doubt it. But it’s another interesting example of his current perception of me. Maybe he’s right or maybe he just can’t see the lip reading and concentration now that I’m functioning so much better. I don’t mind which it is really, all this discussion of whether or not “deaf” is the right word is the latest symptom of just how amazingly better things are.
Image Copyright: olegdudko / 123RF Stock Photo
11 thoughts on “Am I still deaf?”
Oh Vera, glad you’ve had good weather!! Madrid has had awful weather…so much rain and it’s still cold (for Spain!) .. looking forward to visiting England in the summer, for some sun!!
Hurry then…..it must end soon!
Hello Vera. You explained everything so articulately! It’s great to know that you are doing so well that Nigel just expects you to hear now – although I guess it’s also sometimes quite frustrating! I can only imagine how elated you must feel every time you order a drink in a cafe, or buy tickets, or have a conversation in a noisy place! I’m sure you must want to do a little celebratory dance each time you have a little victory!
Also,’ yes’ about not realizing other people don’t always hear everything either! I constantly put myself down for not hearing things, especially in busy places. But have realized that if i haven’t heard something clearly, then my boyfriend often also hasn’t heard it either! I guess nobody has perfect hearing!
I am smiling at your last comment ‘just how amazingly better things are’ – i am so happy to read this. keep smiling Vera!
Love from Spain
Hi there Carly. I do think there is something in the argument that we assume everyone else has absolutely perfect, miraculously excellent hearing……when they don’t. Hope you are doing OK. I look forward to another post on your blog. Love and best wishes from Yorkshire (where it has been perfectly, miraculously sunny for….oh…..weeks and weeks…….unprecedented in my quarter century of living near Skipton).
I am well thanks Vera but getting increasingly frustrated by my hearing loss and wanting to get to a point where I can qualify for a cochlear implant too – was just explaining to my oldest friend – after another lunch out in a noisy restaurant where I missed most of the conversation as usual I’m getting desperate!
Oh, I really hope you qualify before too long. NICE don’t seem to want to give any end date for their review process. When I was turned down in 2015 I was told there was a review underway…..you would have thought three years would be enough! All digits crossed here for everyone else who might benefit if the rules were relaxed.
What a lovely explanation of your ongoings and also that you and your husband discuss your progress. I am assuming the Medical card was issued when you had your CI? Maybe this should be given to everyone who has to wear a hearing aid as well. It will be interesting to know if you could hear the War Horse performance or that the visuals were enough
Hello Pat. Some sort of hearing loss ID card would be a very helpful thing, I think. There are all sorts of badges and the like that you can buy but something officially sanctioned would be a different matter. I remember when I was applying for a disabled persons bus pass having all manner of problems when I had to prove my degree of deafness. The hospital had to provide evidence, but they weren’t prepared to write a letter (data protection they said!) and I went round and round in circles. (Eventually the hospital agreed to respond to an email from the bus company, but it was an utter faff).
Hi again Vera, I have tried the badges I have several of them on various jackets etc, but I don’t think people notice them. At least with a card I would be able to whip it out and shove it in front of someone if they were not noticing that I was not able to hear what they are saying. This is a sore point with me recently as finding it increasingly difficult to hear shop assistants (is that the right title these days)
Wonderful news Vera! And great that you always explain things ‘warts and all’ !!!
Hi Teresa. Yes, things are going great. I haven’t forgotten to do an update on music. Hope you are well. Vera.