This is who I am

28526932 - cartoon people talking happilyA few weeks ago I was walking back to my car in Skipton, after attending a lecture on an aspect of local history.  It was dark.  It was raining.  I was wrapped up in fleece and raincoat.  And I’m telling you this because it’s a little scene burned in my memory.  Suddenly I thought “this is who I am”.  Not the fleece and raincoat particularly (although you more often than not need those in North Yorkshire) but because of that startling and stunning sense that I was recovering the Vera I am used to being, who had been so distressingly missing in 2017.

On holiday in October, with a group of people I didn’t know, I had tried to explain a couple of times how I was feeling.  I’d said I felt like holding up a placard saying “this is not who I am” because the tearful, quiet, uncommunicative person they were seeing didn’t feel like me at all.  I wanted to tell them it WASN’T me.  I wanted to tell them what I was REALLY like. Continue reading

So what’s been happening?

Copyright: jameschipper / 123RF Stock Photo

Long term blog followers will remember me feeling upbeat in February.  I felt sure that my hearing was returning to normal after a bad bout of fluid behind the eardrums.  Things had improved massively since an initial period of almost total silence.  The doctors had all reassured me that the chances of my blocked ears resulting in further permanent hearing damage were slim.  It was just a case of waiting for the fluid to drain.  As the blockage gradually cleared I was full of optimism.  I talked about “this happy ending”.

But then the improvement stopped. Continue reading