Six good things about my hearing loss

Not everyone’s experience, but true for me.

SLEEP

I sleep for England.  When my hearing aids come out that’s it.  Bang, I’m asleep – and nothing wakes me.  I love my sleep.  Indeed I find getting up difficult – leaving that lovely cosy cocoon.  I try to understand what it must be like to be a light sleeper, woken by any slight noise, but I can’t really imagine it.  People tell me how lucky I am and they are right.

IMMUNITY TO NOCTURNAL EMERGENCIES

A subset of the above.  Being such a sound sleeper means I miss out on our domestic nocturnal emergencies.  The cat meowing to be out at dawn.  Our dog, a Labrador with the normal Labrador tendencies to eat all manner of stomach-churning rubbish, feeling decidedly unwell and desperate to be out at 2am.  I miss it all.  I get up as normal, wonder why Nigel is yawning, ask if he’s had a good night and am astonished to be told that fevered barking led to him being out in the middle of the night in pyjamas and wellies clearing up canine diarrhoea.

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Our cat Thomas

Of course, I attempt to insist that next time he wakes me up and I’ll deal with it.  But it doesn’t happen.  I seem to have acquired have a sort of deaf person’s opt out clause and it’s worth quite a lot.

MUZAK IN SHOPS

I read the other day that Marks and Spencer have decided to stop playing piped music in their stores in another doomed attempt to boost their fashion sales.  (It won’t work – it’s the clothes that are the problem).  I am oblivious to this sort of thing – unless it’s really very loud I just don’t hear it.  So at Christmas in the supermarket Slade can be Merry Christmas Everybody-ing, Mud can be Lonely at Christmas and Wham! can be giving their heart to someone special and it all (thankfully) passes me by.  (Actually, I only know about some of these songs because Nigel and I have in the past sat through entire editions of Top of the Pops at Christmas just to catch a glimpse of The Pogues belting out their wonderful Fairytale of New York.  But that’s another story).

COLD CALLERS

Nigel is driven mad by cold callers, because he takes all the phone calls if he’s in the house.  I escape the problem almost completely.  Result.

MR AND MRS ANNOYING

That irritating family at the table next to you at the café/pub/restaurant who talk loudly and incessantly about (insert topic that would drive you mad)……I don’t hear them.  (I have trouble enough hearing the people I’m with).  Or discovering there has been a baby crying incessantly on the plane.  Really?  I didn’t hear anything.

I CAN SWITCH MY HEARING AIDS OFF

I hardly ever switch my hearing aids off or take them out, I rely on them too much for that.  But I CAN switch them off if I need to.  So…..grinding something noisy in the food processor……switch ‘em off.  Soundtrack unbearably loud at the cinema ……ditto (just stick to the subtitles).  It’s really very handy.

DISCLAIMER

I did say it was a personal list.  What’s your experience?